Apron Strings

Well both my boys (men) left yesterday for a ten week job working (if you can call it that) at a wonderful boys Camp in New Hampshire. Where Brady will be leading hiking expeditions in the White Mountains and Jared will be working with the campers on their fishing skills on Lake Winnipesaukee. This week and the weeks leading up to these I have had so much anxiety knowing that they will be away for sooo long...yes believe it or not I have NEVER been 10 weeks without seeing ANY of my children. I KNOW they are having NONE of the same anxieties that I am experiencing but I feel like I had to go over the "Things to bring to Camp" published for the children of the camp but secretly in my own mind, I was actually washing and packing their clothes...How many pairs of socks, underwear, long sleeve shirts, sweatshirts..(Well you know the drill). Brady and Jared were like "MOM, don't worry about it...we know what we are doing...like you have never even made it to the top of Hanging Rock....How do you know what I need for a four day hike?" I so annoy them...but I have no idea how to STOP!! Is there a pill that you can take that keeps you from worrying about your boys....(NOTE: I do not have this same anxiety about Kathy....and she is a girl. What gives there?)

Brady left me a note to make sure I knew they were leaving...Jared left me his cat to take care of, Brady left his Dog with his girlfriend,..But to speak for his concern Brady left a note that did include that he "might" miss me...(lol) and told me to make sure I take care of Manda, now Manda and I are both sitting around sad because we miss him so much.

Jared is a completely different story...I am used to seeing him at least once or twice a week, doing his laundry and occasionally dropping over to his apartment with groceries and cleaning supplies, basically keeping up with him on a daily basis...He did not leave a note but he did leave me a check to deposit into his account.. YEA he needed me! He left me with strict instructions about the cat, he is afraid I am going to make him fat....(like me!) I texted him to tell him that his cat was actually getting on the couch with me and he returned the text expressing how much better he felt to know that the CAT was ok....What about MOM!!! But this is my plan for feeding my Jareditis, I will go over and clean his apartment, his smell is there and it will make him soooo happy when he gets home.

But ironically in the middle of all this worry and pity for myself, I was reminded that My own Sister sent her 19 year old to Nicaragua for two years and she will not be able to touch him or even get phone calls. That my Cousin's son is now in the military and she really doesn't know if he is safe. That translates to no hugs and kisses for years....I feel so guilty because I have it so good and my children are so close to me. God bless the Mothers who are REALLY separated from their "boys"... I love you Brady and Jared...Have a GREAT SUMMER TOGETHER AS BROTHERS!!!

My Kathy Doodle

Well today is such a special day. It is Kathy's birthday. This day 27 years ago changed my life forever. I was only 21 years old when I had her and had no idea how/what to do with a baby. Evidently I didn't make too many serious mistakes because she is a wonderful daughter, sister, (to four brothers) grandchild, friend, co-worker, fiance, and citizen of the world.

Today I am so grateful that God sent her to me and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she was sent to me because I honestly do not believe I would have made it to this point in my life without her. Against all "parenting advice" she is my best friend. She is ten times more beautiful on the inside than on the outside and the outside is pretty damned beautiful. She spent the night with me last night and is sleeping at this time in my guest room. I can't wait for her to wake up so she can crawl in bed with me and we can sit here and talk. I usually spend the whole day calling her and reminding her about where I was and what I was doing at this particular time 27 years ago. (Boy, she loves this)! lol

Thank you God for my firsst of three special gifts

Smoking....Looking for the next ten pounds

OK...Today is my second day of my campaign to quit smoking...the surgeon said there would be no surgery if I was smoking ...evidently smoking prevents healing by constricting oxygen to your blood...(I never knew that, never really considered it but it makes sense.) So I really have to be serious about it. I smoked in High School as a rebellious teen (I know you are having trouble imaging me as rebellious, but use your imagination) I quit without any problems upon "falling in love" with a unnamed very tall Mormon boy. We went on to be a very active "Mormon couple" and had three beautiful children so I did not have to do the start and stop while being pregnant....Actually I really did not begin smoking openly ( in front of my children and family)until I was about 35 years old...I know what you are thinking...but whatever....I was going through another rebellious period. (keep using your imagination). So now I am a full fledged pack a day smoker....I am ashamed of that because I know I am shortening my life I will have with my children and grandchildren. But as a side note, none of my children smoke...so maybe that was one of my bad habits they did not pick up...Thank God they didn't because that would be just one more feeling of parental guilt to stack on the pile of parental guilt I am currently balancing. Anyway, I am beginning to realize that this is one of the hardest task I have faced in a while....I am working on identifying my "triggers". so far...It is waking up in the middle of the night, coffee, food, boredom, the act of getting in the car and the weirdest of all, the second I get in the house from going out with my Mom....I don't smoke in front of her and sometimes I will go hours (4 - 6) without having a cigarette, as soon as I get in the house I am running for the cigarettes with the feeling that I have to smoke at least 6 to "make up" for the missing nicotine.
I hesitate to mention this attempt in my blog because of the failure rate but I think this some how makes me accountable for my actions. I realize that two days is a drop in the bucket and I am sorta cheating with the patch I now wear proudly on my butt cheek (don't use your imagination here) but the patches are MORE expensive than the cigarettes so I am only giving myself one week of the patches. My theory is that the "mental" habits may be decreased and then I can work on the "physical" addiction.
My theroy/excuse for not making this attempt before is that I would gain 10 pounds (that is the rumor/fact)...then the surgeon/PA told me to substitute another action...that her "friend" I am guessing may be a "life partner", (go ahead and imagine that,) just took a walk when she wanted a smoke...well since I have to practically drag my leg behind me when I walk this is not a good suggestion...my Mom wants to buy me hard candy or lollipops (I guess I will try this but here begins the 10 pounds...) Really though anyone who knows me knows that I have gained ten pounds and lost ten pounds about 100 times...so I am just going to embrace it and move forward into the fat clothes closet...
Well now I will keep you all (my four followers) informed about my progress...Already today I am considering looking in Rick's "man room" and see if there are butts long enough to straighten out and light...SERIOUSLY..but just typing that and reading it back in my brain has grossed me out enough to stop myself...BTW Rick is doing very well trying to "keep me clean"..so to speak. He told me he would join me in my journey but I have gotten a whiff of smoke a couple of times..looking forward to the day when it smells BAD....and when I become one of "those people" who makes faces and act disgusted when in the company of smokers....

Saturdays Are Really Mondays

Being that I have been unemployed...retired...taking some time off....a stay home mother without kids at home...or just a wife that doesn't work. (I never know what to say when people ask what I do because whatever my response, I refuse to say I am a "housewife") I have always thought that word inferred that you were married to your house...hummmm. Anyway since I have been without a "real job" for more than two years, I have fallen into a wonderful habit of doing just what I want to do all day....well until 5:00PM when Rick comes home. Other than the "things" I am required to perform daily (ie: preparing breakfast at 7:00AM and having the dishes washed, bed made, grocery shopping and some food for dinner by the "arrival time") to some this may sound like alot of required work but when breakfast consist of scrambled eggs, making a bed takes about two minutes, dishes are always done the night before, and the crock pot is an amazing piece of cookware...combined with the fact that my husband eats no carbs..it is a real piece of cake. (which my husband never eats and I never have to cook)

So during the week I am left to be able to play on Facebook, run around with my Mother, go to lunch with my parents, visit my crazy Aunt at the nursing home, go to movies, go shopping, take a day at the lake (by myself) or just sit around all day in my jammies watching all the Datelines and 20/20's that are on my DVR. ( I save all of these because there are days where I want to sit around in my jammies and I hate daytime TV) This is MY time and I have never experienced this kind of freedom before. I have stayed at home before but I had really young children so there was no watching anything on TV...but now it is just me...I have NO limits and NO schedule for this time and it feels WONDERFUL!! For once I get to choose what I want to do....It is sacred time


So with this being said your Saturdays are my Mondays. Saturday and Sunday become two days of work, of doing what someone else wants me to do. Even when this time becomes two days at the lake it still involves someone else's idea of what we NEED to do....Don't get me wrong, I love the lake and I really am not complaining about these two days of sacrifice...but they ARE a sacrifice. I guess it is a foriegn idea to feel sad to see Friday come but in my weirded out life it is a reality. Note: all the "required" activities listed above are still required in my/your "weekend" so let's just say that these two day become sorta crowded because I am cooking, cleaning and doing dishes, while being watched by someone who wants me to hurry and get out of my jammies, shower, get dressed and ready to get in the car and "go somewhere". I need to insert here that most of the time after this "rush" of required activities we end up in the car looking at each other and say "Where are we going?" and then we end up riding around and basically doing NOTHING! At the lake we end up sleeping until 11:00AM (way too late) and hanging out on the deck (again staring at each other) and then asking "What are we going to do?"

Wow....Please hurry up Sunday night (which is really Friday...)

Bitching is a verb!

Well it appears that everyone in my family has a blog and I am just now getting around to setting this one up....This a little scary but probably a happy moment for all my family members and friends who will benefit from my relief by being able to produce "bitch sessions" on this blog instead of the phone...(Where they won't answer because they see it is me.) or in the car, (which has almost caused many accidents) and you thought it was texting, over Dinner, or in general anytime I have anyone's attention who will listen to my "bitching" Be relieved to know that even when I am by myself, the bitching I do in my own head distracts me from the road. (Seriously). So family and friends be relieved and start to pick up the phone when I call because the "bitching" will be here and hopefully not in your ears...but warning if you don't want to hear the bitching then just dont read the blog....I guess that being home all day and not actually having a job has provided me with a laundry list of "things to bitch about" So readers beware, you may be included..I will try to change the names to protect the innocent...or guilty, which ever way you look at it.